What did I learn about myself?

Hi again, my thoughts and feelings are running wildly at the moment. Our amazing journey together has come to an end and I’m feeling a bit wistful but happy at the same time. This has been such an amazing experience to me and I’m not sure how to describe my feelings properly so the course and this amazing trip should get all the credit it deserves. Our final task was to reflect what we have learnt about ourselves during this digital business course and write our last blog about it. I really don’t know where to begin but let’s get started. I think this writing contains more about what I have realized during the course and how my thinking has changed. But isn’t that part of learning about me;)

At first I must say that it’s not too much to say that this course has really changed the way I think about myself and how I see my future. Or being more specific, I think it’s me who has done the work to change and improve my thinking, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have happened (at least not yet) without the help of this digital course. I could have never thought even in my wildest dreams that some school project or course could impact on me this strongly. I find this course as some turning point of my life, might sound like too much to say but I’m serious. I believe that everything happens for a reason and when the time is right. I have been thinking my past a lot with it’s good and hard times, I have been ashamed starting my studies so late (even though I understand my reasons), I have thought that some of my past years are wasted times, but now I realize that I have been wrong all along. My past with it’s ups and downs has shaped me for who I am today and for the first time in my life I can say that I’m proud of whom I have become. I have all the time concentrated in my so called flaws (which are made mostly up by me) so I couldn’t see the potential and good in me which was there from the very beginning. But all that has finally changed. I feel like someone would have switched me finally on.

So like I said I believe that things happens when the time is right and I believe that it means that things happens when we are ready to take what life has to offer to us despite of the fact is it something good or bad. And when something happens you might see the reason for that probably only after many years, but there will always come a point where everything makes sense and you can understand why did it happen (and in best situation it has made you a better version of yourself). I believe that this course is something that came on my way just at the right moment. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have got so much out of it ten or even five years ago, but now on my thirties when I have experienced life a bit more and spent some time at home taking care of my kids and doing my home mummy things and finally getting back to the school I have the right motivation and hunger to expand my knowledge. That’s why I was so open to take everything what was coming and let it impact on me and I’m so glad I did.

One of my biggest fears in my life has been the fear of failure and that has really stopped me in my life in many levels. But listening our guest speakers and coaches and all the lectures and students I have really understood that failing is part of life and because of it you are able to improve yourself and learn more. It’s not only knowing the fact it’s also making the decision every single day about not being afraid anymore and that’s exactly what I’m going to do from this moment on, overcome my fears. Life has taught me that being afraid it’s much more harder and wearing than facing your fears and finally I feel that I’m ready for that. I’m ready to fail and fall, stand up and still keep on going!!!

I have also realized that life is a lot about decisions, decisions to be happy, decisions to love or hate, decisions to be a better person, decisions about anything you want or not. It’s kind of relief to understand and accept that, understanding that your life is in your own hands and it's up to you how you face and react to the things what comes to your way. I have decided to be brave, fearless, happy, positive, loving, caring, determined and lot more. I decided to be a best version of myself everyday!!

I want to emphasize that when I’m talking about the course I’m actually speaking about the people who’s involved in our digital business course, all the lecturers, Ilkka, Anna, the other students and KYLA of course. I have learnt about myself mostly through others. It has been an interesting way to study by doing everything in groups. I have noticed according to the feedback from the others that my image of me, my behaving or my actions diverse often a lot from the ones I’m working or anyway cooperating with. And that’s the best way to mirror and reflect myself by doing in groups. I have realized that most of the times I’m putting myself down just without any good reason. For some reason I have always thought that I’m not enough because I’m not best in everything ( not even close..but still how crazy and frustrating is that!). But finally that’s changing too, I have a feeling like the whole life would have opened it’s doors to me and only the sky is the limit ( and my own insecurities of course).

These changes are mostly in my thinking level and I’m sure it will take some time to put them in action. But with little steps I’m getting closer to my goals every day. And one of the greatest thing in this change is that it affects to the others as well. For example my younger sister said to me that "Maija, do you know that because of your positive change I want to find that same thing as you have found and that’s why I have finally found my motivation to study again. And now she is trying to get study, how cool is that!!! But like it's said before you can really choose what do you want to spread around you, is it positive and happy vibes or something else. I'm absolutely choosing the first ones. So let's see where am I going but one word I'm going to use a lot is YES!!!!

Ilkka and Anna, Thank you for making this all happen! I don’t know how to express my gratitude and happiness. You are the best teachers to have! I'm going to be part of the course next autumn so you don't get rid of me yet. I want to thank everyone who has been anyway part of our digital course!!! And not forgetting KYLA, thank you so much, you really ROCK!!!!!!!